I made mistakes and I broke the law and I'm more than willing to pay a price for that. But there's a price beyond that that my children have paid, and that's not what was supposed to happen.

When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.

The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.

I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.