I happen to be a devout atheist. I don't believe in God. I still go to church -- I'm not a heathen. I go to an atheist church. We have crippled guys who stand up and testify that they were crippled, and they still are.

My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There's me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.

I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every few weeks and guess.

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.