If only someone would do for cows what Bambi did for deer. Cows have been in films, but they haven't starred. I'm still willing to eat a species that is only a supporting player.

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

It's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. Librarians have stood up to the Patriot Act, sat down with noisy toddlers and reached out to illiterate adults. Libraries can never be shushed.

I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.

I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do that.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.