I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.

I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.

My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones glass off the kitchen table. She said, 'Well, dammit, we can't have nice things.'

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.