I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.

I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.

When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.

The pleasure of the mulch pile is incomprehensible. I wouldn't care if they just hauled the mulch to the landfill somewhere. Obviously, grass clippings are biodegradable, but when they're bunched together at the landfill, they become badly influenced by other garbage.

The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.

I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.