I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.

I'm really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it.

I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.

I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.

I made mistakes and I broke the law and I'm more than willing to pay a price for that. But there's a price beyond that that my children have paid, and that's not what was supposed to happen.

There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.

If only someone would do for cows what Bambi did for deer. Cows have been in films, but they haven't starred. I'm still willing to eat a species that is only a supporting player.