I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.

The pleasure of the mulch pile is incomprehensible. I wouldn't care if they just hauled the mulch to the landfill somewhere. Obviously, grass clippings are biodegradable, but when they're bunched together at the landfill, they become badly influenced by other garbage.