I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.

It is the best part of the night. The classic interactive lines are 'Where are you from? What do you do for a living?' I almost always get something interesting.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

My problem, I try to teach my kids to eat healthy food. But you get a cantaloupe, and you don't know when it's going to come of age. You have no idea - that period between when it's like, hard as a rock to when it's smushy inside, is about ten minutes.

I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.

I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.