Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.

I like to work on New Year's Eve. It has a nice spirit; a nice feel about it. If you are all about the 'year-end' thing at all, then laughing with fellow human beings is a great way to start the new year.

I'm really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it.

I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.