Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.

I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.

I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.

The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.