Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every few weeks and guess.

I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.