I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.

My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There's me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P.

I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.

I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.

If only someone would do for cows what Bambi did for deer. Cows have been in films, but they haven't starred. I'm still willing to eat a species that is only a supporting player.

I was court-ordered to Alcoholics Anonymous on television. Pretty much blows the hell out of the second A, wouldn't you say?

The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.