I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.

The pleasure of the mulch pile is incomprehensible. I wouldn't care if they just hauled the mulch to the landfill somewhere. Obviously, grass clippings are biodegradable, but when they're bunched together at the landfill, they become badly influenced by other garbage.

I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.

I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.

I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.