I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.

I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.

Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doctor orders bed rest, in 2004 I sent my assistant to the Gap in dark glasses with a fake ID to purchase my first pair of Easy Fit jeans.

I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.