I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.

I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.

My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There's me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

If only someone would do for cows what Bambi did for deer. Cows have been in films, but they haven't starred. I'm still willing to eat a species that is only a supporting player.