It wasn't success, because Teller and I, by the time Asparagus Valley got together - within a year, we had achieved all our goals. I mean, our goal was to earn our living doing exactly what we wanted. Which is many people's goal.

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.

Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it's amazing how many people get that.

Even if I disagree with Obama on many, many things, he is certainly qualified to be president. He is certainly competent to be president.

Channeling is just bad ventriloquism. You use another voice, but people can see your lips moving.

The most important part of life is work, it's the flow, it's getting stuff done, feeling like you're doing something.