My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.

You can't stop insane people from doing insane things with insane laws. That's insane!

The only difference between Obama and Bush is that Obama is killing more people.

It's not arrogant to say that you can't figure out the answers to the universe with your internal faith. It's not arrogant to know that there's no omniscient, omnipotent prime mover in the universe who loves you personally. It's not sad to feel that life and the love of your real friends and family is more than enough to make life worth living. Isn't it much sadder to feel that there is a more important love required than the love of the people who have chosen to spend their limited time with you?

Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.

We need a president who realizes that there's no government business in show business.

Charities are really good. To a certain extent, the ones you pick are arbitrary.