I didn't learn fire-eating to conquer my fears. I learned fire-eating because I desperately wanted to be in show business.

Atheism is a religion like not collecting stamps is a hobby.

You don't have freedom unless you have the freedom to do stupid self-destructive things.

TV networks are dying. The death throes of religion give us jihads. The death throes of television give us reality shows.

The vast majority of people who have guns never hurt anybody.

I will not counter the insanity of the PATRIOT Act with an overblown fear of my rights being taken away.

People like Bill Maher, who brags about being a cynic, it sickens me. I am the least cynical person I know, and I am very, very skeptical.