Just a tiny red sliver remains in the battery icon. I wish humans came with the same kind of indicator . . . it would make things much easier. You would know how to deal with every person on the planet, and I’d always be in the red.

It wasn’t me! Look at how little I am. I’m a little guy.

Long live the car crash hearts Cry on the couch all the poets come to life Fix me in 45

I’ve always been a dreamer, have always believed in the power of love and art and loud, life-affirming rock and roll, but, for the first time, I’m starting to have doubts. Can a dream even exist in reality? Or does it turn to stone the second it leaves your mind?

The hardest part of watching someone watching me is making it appear that I'm not watching.

If Jessica [Simpson] looks hot in something, I can definitely tell her that. But for me, out of the entire Simpson family, and out of all the Simpsons on the planet, and all the girls in the universe, the hottest one is the one I married. She could be sitting there in a pair of sweatpants and she beats out any girl in Maxim.

Our brains may lie to us, but our hearts never do.