... it is a fact universally acknowledged that a husband is the most ridiculous thing on earth, except for a bachelor.

Look at it this way: Psychoanalysis is a permanent fad.

Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came.

The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.

A politician is a man who can be verbose in fewer words than anyone else.

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.

Man is vile, I know, but people are wonderful.