Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.

When you have been killed as many times as I have, you get used to it.

Clouseau: Does yer dewg bite? Inn Keeper: No Clouseau: Nice Doggy (bends down to pet a dachshund - it snarls and bites him) I thought you said yer dewg did not bite! Inn Keeper: Zat . . . iz not my dog!

If I can't really find a way to live with myself, I can't expect anyone else to live with me.

Women are more difficult to handle than men. It's their minds.

You have to live before you die, or you'll die before you live.

Relax, I'll get it. (said to Kato after Clouseau knocks him unconscious)