To live like a poor man is only fun when you are rich.

Sex is a conversation carried out by another means.

Please keep off the grass.

Basically I'm a very serious person, but I think the form it takes with me is comedy. I see the amusing side of all potentially pompous situations.

American democracy is the inalienable right to sit on your front porch, in your pyjamas, drinking a can of beer and shouting out 'Where else is this possible?' Which doesn't seem to me to be freedom, really.

This is a free country, madam. We have a right to share your privacy in a public place.

Generals are fascinating cases of arrested development - after all, at five all of us wanted to be generals.