Only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education.

The world population 60 years ago was just over 2 billion and it's now more than 6 billion. This huge increase - an explosion really - has probably done more harm to the environment than anything else.

Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant.

We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!

They're a damn nuisance - I've got one in my bathroom and every time I run my bath the steam sets it off.

You can't have been here long, you haven't got a pot belly.

It's difficult to see how it's possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.