Only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education.

Tolerance is the one essential ingredient ... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance.

British women can't cook.

Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?

If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort - provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.

During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

[after accepting a gift from a Kenyan woman] You are a woman, aren't you?