If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.

In the days when the nation depended on agriculture for its wealth it made the Lord Chancellor sit on a woolsack to remind him where the wealth came from. I would like to suggest we remove that now and make him sit on a crate of machine tools.

It's my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.

If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.

I suppose I'd get in trouble if I were to melt them down.

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?

There's a lot of your family in tonight.