During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you?

You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.

Ah, you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then.

British women can't cook.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.