During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car, is it?

Constitutionally I don't exist.

It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.

I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.

The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.

We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!