During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you are deaf.

Do people trip over you?

If anyone has a new idea in this country, there are twice as many people who keep putting a man with a red flag in front of it.

It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.

We don't come here for our health.

Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you?