We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?

"It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." He later backtracked: "I meant to say cowboys."

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.

It's difficult to see how it's possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.

During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

No, I'd probably end up spitting it out over everybody.