Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.

The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them.

That's the thing about marriage. It's a shell game we play with ourselves. We're the suckers and we have to lose, but we play anyway because we lie to ourselves that we can win.

The grass is always greener once you don't have to mow a lawn anymore.

I guess that's how death works. It doesn't matter if we're ready or not. It just happens.

You can't show love to someone at the expense of someone else who loves you.

Ed Wood served a great purpose - mainly making writers feel better about their work.