Being prepared for loss is never the same as being ready for it.

We all have a few failures under our belt. It's what makes us ready for the successes.

The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them.

Could you imagine how horrible things would be if we always told others how we felt? Life would be intolerably bearable.

You make me understand how wonderful it is for little lizards when they find that one special rock that's perfect for sunning themselves on. You make me lizard-happy.

Success only hurts the first time.

That's the thing about marriage. It's a shell game we play with ourselves. We're the suckers and we have to lose, but we play anyway because we lie to ourselves that we can win.