We don't know our ass from a hole in the ground.

Some fools in the desert with nothing to do...invented me, and they invented you. And other fools keep it all going and growing. Everybody, we're a figment of their imagination.

I have owned and played a Steinway all my life. It's the best Beethoven piano. The best Chopin piano. And the best Ray Charles piano. I like it, too.

I am not overlooking any mail. I'm looking at all of it. I even wrote back to the Viagra people.

I hate having to wait. I've got the thing done. I just want to see what happens.

Sometimes what I'm writing is more important to me than the rest of my life. It's more important to me that I'm writing well than anything else.

I once had dinner with Madonna and I wasn't nervous but within about a minute I found myself talking about underwear.