PHP is about as exciting as your toothbrush. You use it every day, it does the job, it is a simple tool, so what? Who would want to read about toothbrushes?

For all the folks getting excited about my quotes. Here is another - Yes, I am a terrible coder, but I am probably still better than you :)

PHP is rarely the bottleneck.

Ugly problems often require ugly solutions. Solving an ugly problem in a pure manner is bloody hard.

I don't like programming. It's tedious.

I'm not a real programmer. I throw together things until it works then I move on. The real programmers will say Yeah it works but you're leaking memory everywhere. Perhaps we should fix that. I'll just restart Apache every 10 requests.

I don't know how to stop it, there was never any intent to write a programming language [...] I have absolutely no idea how to write a programming language, I just kept adding the next logical step on the way.