Ninety isn't old. You're old when your doctor doesn't X-ray you any more - he just holds you up to the light!

The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, Who sent for all this ice? Never got a dinner!

Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner!

Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got a dinner!

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

If I lose show business - I'll really be an orphan!

Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner!