Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!

Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!

Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.

Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!