Women say they want a man who knows what a woman's worth. That's a pimp.

In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely.

Ignisecond, n.: The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

Foxes are rats in expensive coats. What are foxes associated with? Evil, wily, conniving, duplicitous, Fox News - worst news service on the planet and the evilest.

A hotel mini bar allows you to see what a can of Pepsi will cost in twenty years.

As an American, I'd like to apologize - for everything.