If I learned anything Downtown, it's this: the only real difference between an enemy and a friend is the day of the week.

Try not to sing too many sad songs for yourself. The universe already hates you. Self-pity isn't going to help.

No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard.

Don't talk. Kill it." That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date.

In the Tarot deck, the Fool is depicted as a young man about to step off a cliff into empty air. Most people assume that the Fool will fall. But we don't see it happen, and a Fool doesn't know that he's subject to the laws of gravity. Against all odds, he just might float.

If Donald Trump and the Wicked Witch of the West had a kid, it would be Jayne-Anne. She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes but underneath the Verace, she's Godzilla with tits.

Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT.