The dead think they can get away with anything because you'll feel sorry for them. If you play cards with the dead, make sure you deal and don't let them buy you drinks. They'll slip you a formaldehyde roofie and pry the gold fillings out of your teeth.

Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.

Love a man who'll bleed to make a point. (Candy)

He wore his fear on his skin for everyone to see.

Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT.

...playing with the Barbie-size keyboard on my new phone. Phones are like toys now. They fit in your pocket, light up and vibrate like joy buzzers. Plus, you can get-I mean, "access"-the Internet and find anything you want. Music. Maps. Porn. Anything. If cell phones came with a cigarette dispenser, they'd be the greatest stupid invention ever.

Enemies will kill you with a knife in the back. Friends will kill you with kindness. Either way you're dead.