There are only two pieces of pussy you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last.

I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.

I don't want to go through life as a Wonder Wheel murderer!

When you're running down the street on fire, people get out of your way!

I was a loner and never hung out with anyone. I never had any friends.

I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour.

Everyone carries around his own monsters.