I write the story that nobody reads. Someday, I'm going to write it in German to see if anyone notices.

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.

I was a terrible Sugar Babies addict, so I had more cavities than the surface of the moon.

Exactly how intricate a sport is jogging? You were two years old. You ran after the cat. You pretty much had it mastered

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.

Never let anyone tell you sports doesn't matter. Never let them tell you it's all about the wins, the losses and the stats. Sports is so much more than that.

It's people stories that make good reading. I don't feel like I'm a sportswriter. I feel like I'm a guy who writes about people who happen to do sports. The best columns are the ones where you tie it somehow into the fabric of the country.