Im afraid Wisconsin is you, Nebraska, only with much better parties and more wins.

I write the story that nobody reads. Someday, I'm going to write it in German to see if anyone notices.

I was a terrible Sugar Babies addict, so I had more cavities than the surface of the moon.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I remember when your average NFL player would come to the sideline, spit out three bicuspids, Scotch-tape his humerus together and get back out there.

Im afraid Wisconsin is you, Nebraska, only with much better parties and more wins.

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.