Maybe I'm just getting old, but I remember when your average NFL player would come to the sideline, spit out three bicuspids, Scotch-tape his humerus together and get back out there.

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.

I write the story that nobody reads. Someday, I'm going to write it in German to see if anyone notices.

I was a terrible Sugar Babies addict, so I had more cavities than the surface of the moon.

Exactly how intricate a sport is jogging? You were two years old. You ran after the cat. You pretty much had it mastered

It's people stories that make good reading. I don't feel like I'm a sportswriter. I feel like I'm a guy who writes about people who happen to do sports. The best columns are the ones where you tie it somehow into the fabric of the country.

Never let anyone tell you sports doesn't matter. Never let them tell you it's all about the wins, the losses and the stats. Sports is so much more than that.