Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.

I was a terrible Sugar Babies addict, so I had more cavities than the surface of the moon.

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.

College football is LSU's Tiger Stadium at night.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I remember when your average NFL player would come to the sideline, spit out three bicuspids, Scotch-tape his humerus together and get back out there.

Im afraid Wisconsin is you, Nebraska, only with much better parties and more wins.

I write the story that nobody reads. Someday, I'm going to write it in German to see if anyone notices.