I'm not from around these parts. I'm from a little place called England: we used to run the world before you.

I don't think a comedian should even be concerned with being cool or sexy, as soon as you do, you aren't a comedian any more. Looks are still the most important thing for women when it comes to meeting a partner. And that's fair enough, but a sense of humour is really important too. For starters, it's a great indicator of whether you are going to get on. If the first time you go on a date you don't find each other funny, there's a fundamental problem.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you believe in god, you're wrong.

I've been nominated four times, never won. And the whole world is going, `Why hasn't Winslet won one?' That's why I'm doing it. "Schindler's Bloody List," "The Pianist," Oscars coming out of their ass.

I think the best advice I'd say to any actor when you do comedy is play it straight.

Suggesting I hate people with religion because I hate religion is like suggesting I hate people with cancer because I hate cancer.

Dear Religion, This week I safely dropped a man from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school. Yours, Science.