A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been.

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us. It should be "You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?" I could tell you I've got superpowers. But I can't go up to people saying "Prove I can't fly." They'd go: "What do you mean 'Prove you can't fly'? Prove you can!"

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

If I do eat meat, it's got to be ethical. I want to know that it lived a great life before it was killed humanely.

I remember the first check I got for 'The Office,' and it made me feel sad. It ruined it. ... Because there was sort of a nobility in poverty.

I don't think a comedian should even be concerned with being cool or sexy, as soon as you do, you aren't a comedian any more. Looks are still the most important thing for women when it comes to meeting a partner. And that's fair enough, but a sense of humour is really important too. For starters, it's a great indicator of whether you are going to get on. If the first time you go on a date you don't find each other funny, there's a fundamental problem.