Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

Anything that you can do a tiny bit of research about, I'll turn it into an obsession.

I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage.

I don't like gadgets for their own sake. I like gadgets that are tools. And I like simple gadgets that do one thing really well like a hammer.

I don't feel rivalry. I'm the least competitive person you'll meet ever, to a fault.

I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.

I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.