If it's January, I'm dead in three hours. But in June, I'd be hungry, but I'd make it out. I'd find my way without a map or compass. I say that with confidence. I can build a fire without a match.

Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express.

People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.

I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid.

I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

My job was basically to look at a good friend completely naked and rub lotion on her back. I was naked too, but I got to put a towel on almost immediately. So I was like, "Well, this is going to be embarrassing, but it's also going to be kinda awesome."