I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.

For most of my life, I was a worrier and an over-thinker. I had pretty bad social anxiety.

I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.

People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.

My job was basically to look at a good friend completely naked and rub lotion on her back. I was naked too, but I got to put a towel on almost immediately. So I was like, "Well, this is going to be embarrassing, but it's also going to be kinda awesome."