I'm a complete egomaniac. It makes me feel terrible to say [being interviewed] is hard. It's taxing in a way. Just 'cause it's a lot of mental energy just to keep focused. I actually think it's harder for journalists.

I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards.

I want to manufacture a feud.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage.

I've always defined myself as a writer, I've never decided what it was I was gonna write. [...] I always fancied myself one, but I'm not. I'm so far from a writer.

I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.