I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."

I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage.

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards.

If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not "The Naked Guy." I don't care.

Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.