Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express.

People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil.

I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.

My mother was very, very Protestant. I grew up Presbyterian, and I went to church every Sunday until I was 18. I was forced to.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.