I don't think of marriage as the drudge work that a lot of sitcoms and movies might have shown it to be, I think it's more deadly murderous rage, unadulterated passion, soul-crushing purgatorial dread... It's more interesting.

Politicians, it's in their job description to just lie, every day.

I'm a comedian at the beginning and the end of the day. I'm not affiliated with any campaign, nor do I generally find politics interesting enough to plan to be involved.

People moved in across the street and are immediately cutting down a huge tree. Their toothbrushes will know my buttonhole.

I want people to feel good about themselves.

It's hard for me to get embarrassed, but the things that do embarrass me would be if anybody ever heard my wife and I talking in our robust, made-up language.

But I also know in standup, there's nowhere to hide. You get on stage and you deliver, or you are eviscerated and you are thrown into a pile of bodies at the bottom of a mountain.