I was an extroverted kid and performed, like, acting and singing. Then, the older I got, I realized I enjoyed performing things that I came up with myself more and I enjoyed making people laugh more than making people cry or think.

I don't think of marriage as the drudge work that a lot of sitcoms and movies might have shown it to be, I think it's more deadly murderous rage, unadulterated passion, soul-crushing purgatorial dread... It's more interesting.

If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo.

Elderly people, I have found, when they're being honest, are also scumbags, and enjoy a little prurient humour as well.

I think your ambition for something changes as you go.

Depression taught me the importance of compassion and hard work, and that you can overcome enormous obstacles.

On Twitter, I just want to make you laugh at all costs.