In real life, I am alarmingly boring.

Politicians, it's in their job description to just lie, every day.

In the ambiguity and shifting playing field of adult life, I often wish I could just fill in a dot and have someone say “Yes” and hand me a chicken leg, or “No” and slap me with an old fish.

My stand-up is far more rooted in reality than my Twitter.

People moved in across the street and are immediately cutting down a huge tree. Their toothbrushes will know my buttonhole.

In real life, I am alarmingly boring.

Comedians who are 22 years old can certainly be funny and clever, and be capable of telling jokes - but are they talking about their favorite TV shows, or a particular brand of shampoo?