In real life, I am alarmingly boring.

Depression taught me the importance of compassion and hard work, and that you can overcome enormous obstacles.

I want people to feel good about themselves.

Elderly people, I have found, when they're being honest, are also scumbags, and enjoy a little prurient humour as well.

I was an extroverted kid and performed, like, acting and singing. Then, the older I got, I realized I enjoyed performing things that I came up with myself more and I enjoyed making people laugh more than making people cry or think.

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

Well, Mitt Romney is a very attractive comedic target. He’s irresistible to me. I mean seriously, I want to pay less attention to him.