I can't 'make' you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favourite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.

If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo.

I was an extroverted kid and performed, like, acting and singing. Then, the older I got, I realized I enjoyed performing things that I came up with myself more and I enjoyed making people laugh more than making people cry or think.

It's a good idea to have a break, to let your mind rest and so you can start to cultivate ideas.

I don't think of marriage as the drudge work that a lot of sitcoms and movies might have shown it to be, I think it's more deadly murderous rage, unadulterated passion, soul-crushing purgatorial dread... It's more interesting.

Comedians who are 22 years old can certainly be funny and clever, and be capable of telling jokes - but are they talking about their favorite TV shows, or a particular brand of shampoo?

I no longer believe in freedom of speech.