I no longer believe in freedom of speech.

On Twitter, I just want to make you laugh at all costs.

But I also know in standup, there's nowhere to hide. You get on stage and you deliver, or you are eviscerated and you are thrown into a pile of bodies at the bottom of a mountain.

I'm crazy about Shakespeare, who was a notorious word inventor. And my wife is an English teacher, and she's hilarious.

I use Twitter as a tool to get involved with people, to sell tickets to gigs where I can stand in a room and smell the audience - and I love that!

Politicians, it's in their job description to just lie, every day.

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.