I no longer believe in freedom of speech.

It's a good idea to have a break, to let your mind rest and so you can start to cultivate ideas.

In the ambiguity and shifting playing field of adult life, I often wish I could just fill in a dot and have someone say “Yes” and hand me a chicken leg, or “No” and slap me with an old fish.

With Twitter, you just want to make people laugh in their meeting; on stage, people have paid for their tickets with their hard-earned money, so I owe them the truth as I experience it.

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

Politicians, it's in their job description to just lie, every day.

My stand-up is far more rooted in reality than my Twitter.